Comments on: Living With Parents ? Get Out of That House Already!

By: Anand

Anand — Wed, 16 Mar 2016 19:00:27 +0000

Very different from the usual stuff what I get to read in Indian e-media. I can vouch for your words even if you won’t dare to!. Because I lived away from home for last 12 years as part of education and job. Now I look back I was a mild tempered, bookish, not so social kid whose only achievement was some decent grades in schools. After 12th when I moved out of home I gradually started to loosen up. My social and communication skills developed though not so fast. Most importantly I learned not to freak out on smallest of issues. Learned to say “No” when I really have to. Travelling have become a big thing thing that needs immense planning to a joyful activity with almost zero pre-planning. Some of these things might be happened as part of the natural process of “growing up”, but I really beleive leaving home as a young adult helped me in my personal development. All these things didn’t bring down my love and attachment with my parents even a tad bit if not increased. Hats off to you Sanjay for the unique piece and the brutal honesty with which it is written! 🙂

PS: It reads it was first published in March 2016 on top, but most comments are from 2013 and 2015!. How come?

By: sanjay austa

sanjay austa — Sun, 27 Sep 2015 13:50:11 +0000

In reply to Jarking. Dear Jarking, Im sorry to hear of your ordeal. However I am a journalist and not qualified to give you any advise legal or otherwise. Thank you

By: Jarking

Jarking — Sun, 20 Sep 2015 05:47:57 +0000

Hey,

I need some advice…my elder sister (age 27) refuses to take up a job, though well qualified…she refuses to marry too..she just wants to sit at home and quarrel with my parents all day long…blackmailing them abt suicide, verbally and sometimes physically abusing them…i am going mad…i stay away at my own job…but when I come home, I see this..and I want to go to the police…plz give any suitable legal advice

By: Parul Abrol

Parul Abrol — Thu, 14 Nov 2013 14:33:11 +0000

I think it is more of a South Asian feature. We just never cut the mental umbilical cord. I have seen friends who have become independent, some married, and their lives are almost run by their parents, still. Whether you want a divorce, change jobs, buy a house, make an investment – all the decisions are taken by parents and people let them. Then they complain that their parents interfere too much. We dont know how to mark boundaries.
I loved the point you made about parents needing space – I could almost see my parents there

By: sanjay austa

sanjay austa — Wed, 13 Nov 2013 11:29:21 +0000

In reply to Swarnedhu Biswas. Sir you and I quite obviously live on different planets and to reply to you will be a bit silly

By: Mahima Sukhwal

Mahima Sukhwal — Wed, 13 Nov 2013 11:24:50 +0000

Agree very much, specially with “The reasons for shacking up with parents are usually selfish; not being economically independent, high rentals, security and comfort, warm home cooked meals, not having to deal with the pesky landlord or …” and “The very big and the very Indian – what will people say question looms overhead keeping the children within the family fold.” Very courageous of you to post this Meghna, I haven’t usually said it out loud for fear of being reproached for not following the Indian culture, values, etc.

By: Swarnedhu Biswas

Swarnedhu Biswas — Wed, 13 Nov 2013 11:23:37 +0000

It seems the blog writer has a bizarre and perverted mind, and is against family values without any valid reason. His English is not bad, but he couldn’t give a single logical explanation that why the parents and their son/s’ families shouldn’t live together for a lifetime under one roof, and why he thinks the son’s and daughter’s mental growth and emotional growth get stunted because of staying with parents. Tagore and Subash Chandra Bose and several other great luminaries used to live in their ancestral homes only and I don’t think their mental growth got stunted because of their parents’ influence! Of course, economic factors do play a crucial role in inducing two generations of family members to stay under the same roof, as do a deep sense of insecurity, but they eventually help in cementing the family bonds further. Necessity eventually paves way for more emotional adjustments, which I think is an edifice for a better evolved and more tolerant society. At the same time, I must say that I am not at all against people who live away from their parents, for a valid reason of course. Whether to live with one’s parents or not should entirely depend upon an individual and his/her spouse and children’s given conditions, situations, and priorities and it is about time some people who pretend themselves to be radical without reason, or believe in being rebel without a cause stop being judgmental about it. And by the way, the writer was factually wrong too, as he is prone to be, for he was dispensing with logic while giving free rein to his biased thoughts. There are many countries outside Indian sub-continent where parents and sons live together! The writer should read some good twentieth century English literature to get a clear perspective of the western society, which is much different from James Bond movies. For example, Italy is one country where family bonds are very strong! Japan is another country where it is the norm to have sons and adult unmarried daughters to live with their parents.

By: sanjay austa

sanjay austa — Wed, 13 Nov 2013 11:10:47 +0000

In reply to Mukul Bhatia. All the best Mukul with your project. I am assuming it will be a photo- project. Do share.

By: sanjay austa

sanjay austa — Tue, 12 Nov 2013 21:28:33 +0000

In reply to Tanya. Dear Reader, Thanks for sharing your views. The ''other view'' as you put is, is bandied about enough in India- in our melodramatic Ekta Kapoor's serials, our culture, our families, our movies and our songs. Therefore I was presenting the counter-view and it may seem extreme in India but not elsewhere.

By: Tanya

Tanya — Tue, 12 Nov 2013 09:28:25 +0000

Dear Writer, I get your point. Just that you have simplified it way too much and that you need to develop some sense of openess to the “other view” when you write so extreme. I really don’t think you stereotype the people who do choose to stay with their parents.
The fact that you actually narrow this down to a debate between “small town bumpkins ” and city dwellers gives me an idea that this isn’t a well researched article, out in the open. And yes, I am an educated, fully functional adult, who can afford to rent a place of his own, yet still continue to hoard up with my parents, not because of a mental malaise, but because it is my choice!! (to mention, I did have my own little space while studying out of this city, to show my independence)
I do not quite believe that I need to assert my independence by staying alone. My independence to me is choosing the career I want, going out when I want to, having friends over when I want to, marrying out of my will (and not being forced into it), being able to afford my interests and fancies! So yes I do not believe that staying alone is the “only” way to show my independence. One important point that you have not taken into account is, that with most people working in the family, you get to “properly” meet them only on holidays. So the idea of giving and taking “space” is pretty much taken care of. Not all of us have parents sitting on our heads (as you have made it out to be). So I guess it’ll be good if you take into cognizance such families as well.
I also disagree with you when you say that staying with a family is regressive. I would love to welcome you to stay with my family just to feel, how it can be to stay with “non-clingy”, progressive parents (yes those type exist, unlike your finding in this article). 🙂 I got nothing against you, but don’t write generic, and be so judgmental/opinionated about a lot you don’t seem to know much about.